Friday Funny :) Humorous Marriage Quotes by Famous People

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." - Gloria Steinem

"Marriage is a lot like the army: everyone complains, but you'd be surprised at the large number that re-enlist." - James Garner

"Women complain about sex more than men. Their gripes fall into two major categories: 1. Not enough; 2. Too much." - Ann Landers

"Both of my ex-wives closed their eyes when making love, because they didn't want to see me having a good time." - Joseph Wambaugh

"Basically, my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats." - Woody Allen

" I told someone I was getting married, and they said, 'Have you picked a date yet?' I said, 'Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a country!" -

Yakov Smirnoff

"Why can't a woman be more like a man?" - Alan Jay Lerner

"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret." - Henny Youngman

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them." - Ogden Nash

"I'm the only man who has a marriage license made out, 'To Whom It May Concern." - Mickey Rooney

Quotes Courtesy of FeatureSource.com
Author FeatureSource Staff

Friday Funny :)

A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, "How was your honeymoon, dear?" "Oh, mama!" she replied, "The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic..." But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said "but, mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!"

"Darling, darling," her mother said, "calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?" And, the daughter cried "please don't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!"

"Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"

Friday Funny :)

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.

Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'

Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '

Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'

Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'

Pharmacist: 'Of course.'

Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'

Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'

Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'

Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'

Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'

Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'

Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'